I am afraid to travel alone.
It's not a fear of getting lost, my mother was never afraid of getting lost.
I am so glad to have learned that from her, you find new places when you
aren't afraid to drive in a new section of a town or city.
I have become so dependent upon going places with other opeople that I lost
my independent side.
About 6 years ago I started having vision problems. I found that I had
headaches if I read or watched tv. Driving was difficult.
My husband was gone for work all week, so I went to work and came home. I
went only to the grocery store that was about a mile from my house, I tried
to do all of my shopping when he was at home.
I went to an eye doctor, she gave me glasses and wanted me to stop wearing
my contacts. This made things 100 times worse. Due to my nearsightedness I
had major peripheral vision issues which increased the headaches and
depression. I felt dizzy from time to time.
So my depression worsend, and to make matters worse I was having to squint
to see anything. A co-worker stared telling me, quite often, that I needed
to go to the eye doctor. I kept telling him that I had been that year and
that I didn't see that it was going to get better.
But finally after months of misery, I decided to go to a new eye doctor.
Turned out I had kerataconeis. (I probably just majorly misspelled that,
LOL) which is an eye disorder that caused all of my blurry issues and having
to read with one eye closed and then switch to the other eye being open to
watch tv.
It took months of fittings to get hard contact lenses. But I can see quite
well now. But the dependency on others hadn't been getting fixed. It took
having to meet some friends an hour away to start chipping away at my going
anywhere alone. So I got a little used to going somewhat regional places
alone.
So, that all brings me to today. My husband has to work all weekend. I had
never been to Charleston, SC. I have wanted to to for so long. So as I was
sitting at Panera becoming addicted to French toast bagels, I decided to go
there. I nearly called a friend but I realized that I needed this. I needed
to break this cycle of fear and dependency.
So on 6 hours sleep from yesterday, after working all night, I drove the 4
hours and change to Charleston. I used my Bluetooth headphones and just
walked the streets listening to music and taking photos. I was in heaven. A
beautiful city. And I know I only saw a fraction of it, but its okay.
I do regret not staying all night there. But I know how to get back and I'm
not afraid to do so. It will be 2 weeks before I can have another private
adventure, but I am looking forward to it!
I think I am going to work on a better playlist for that!
Did you know that today is World Photography Day? I took 4 cameras out with
me! AND every hour I took a photo, both on film and my cell. Some aren't
great because I was traveling, but I don't care! I accomplished 24 oh, I
mean 48 photos in 24 hours. I am satisfied with that.
1 "Two cents' worth":
I was interested in reading about your fear. I ,too, have suffered from this most of my adult life. It took moving to California with my belongings in my car, and having to drive there all by myself (and thru Seattle) for me to get my mojo back. I congratulate you on your progress. Overcoming fear is a huge gift to ourselves.
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